Inside the walls of the bridal store Here Comes the Bride in Somers Point, it is impossible to sense the swirling uproar an exchange between the owner and a would-be customer has set off around the world through the Internet and the media—unless you pay attention to the phone.

The phone rings incessantly.

As the unanswered phone rings and rings, walk-in customers pass by a wall of notes, pictures and thank-yous, including a 2003 certificate from The Press of Atlantic City newspaper proclaiming Here Comes the Bride as one of the best bridal stores in the region.

Over the nonstop din of the phone, the shop’s owner helps a bride with a Disney-inspired dress, greets a window-shopping female minister intent on marrying (though no one has asked) and also a parade of other local customers all oblivious to the raging digital and media firestorm.

But sometimes Donna Saber, the Somers Point store’s owner, has a moment without a customer. Then she answers the phone. As soon as she picks up the phone, the controversy is apparent. 

If it isn’t some member of the media calling for an interview—news outfits from London, Canada, ABC, the Los Angeles Times and on and on—then it is someone calling to berate, curse or threaten her. 

Bitch. Bigot. A brick is coming. The store will burn.

Saber’s heard them all, again and again. If she had time, the more than 700 unread emails flooding her inbox would repeat and expand on the comments and media requests she’s already heard.

Sometimes, though, callers instead praise Saber.

Those callers tell her it is about time someone stood up and spoke out against same-sex marriage, as she did when questioning a prospective dress buyer who listed a female partner—rather than a male groom—on an order-tracking form.

All of the details and nuances of how this incident erupted depends on whom you ask.

But everyone agrees the controversy started simply and with no real incident two weekends ago.

That’s when a young woman named Alix Genter, of Highland Park, NJ, along with family and friends, went wedding dress shopping at Here Comes the Bride, a shop not far from where Genter’s family summers in Ventnor, a beach town adjacent to Atlantic City.  

By all accounts, the outing went something like an episode of TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress, though Genter’s party was asked not to eat in the store and she was told not to copy down the style number of the dress.

Despite those two incidents, Genter, a Rutgers University graduate student studying for a doctorate in history focusing on “butch-femme lesbian culture,” who declined to be interviewed in-person or by phone, said in an email that she’d had a “lovely day” dress shopping.

Through about two hours of shopping and trying on about six dresses, Genter finally focused on a $875 dropped-waist strapless gown with a pleated organza bodice leading to a taffeta skirt covered with hand-made rosettes and ruffles. 

Genter and Saber agree they both worried the skirt felt too heavy for dancing. Saber planned to follow-up with a call to the maker to see if a lighter version of the dress was possible.

Before leaving the store, Genter filled out a brief form with information about the dress, her contact information and a space for a groom’s name. On the form, Genter checked a box indicating Saber had been “helpful and courteous” before leaving the store.

Saber contends it was not until the following Tuesday, during a phone call placed by Saber to Genter, that she noticed the title “groom” was crossed out, “partner” was written in, and the name Alison filled the blank.

That’s about where agreement about the details diverge.

Here’s a portion of what Genter said happened:

“Donna called me to follow up about a particular dress and noticed that I had amended her information sheet (crossed out "groom" and wrote "partner") while on the phone with me ... and after telling me that my being gay was 'wrong,' 'a shame,' and that she would not work with me, later called me back to further express her opinion that it was illegal. ... 

“All through these interactions, I remained calm, even though I had started crying, and informed her that she was a bigot and that her refusal to work with me was discrimination. To be confronted with such explicit prejudice and discrimination during what should be one of the happiest times in my life—planning my wedding—was shocking and hurtful.”

While there is no tape of these conversations, there is a brief voicemail left by Saber that refers to Genter’s marital plan as an “illegal action.” (New Jersey, while not allowing gay marriage, does have civil unions. However, Genter plans to marry in New York, which recently legalized same-sex marriage.)

Genter declined to answer follow-up questions, even by email.

Saber’s account of what happened is less cohesive.

Her explanation is filled with tangential references to the death of Navy Seals shot down in Afghanistan, the deaths of seven local youth killed on the same day in two recent highway accidents, her perception that her pet rabbit is saddened by those highway deaths and several oblique religious homilies. 

At one point, Saber, a member of a Reformed Jewish congregation who began an interview by saying she “likes the Bible, I like religion” and also said she ecumenically attends Christmas Eve services, asked a reporter if he knows the Catholic bishop in the region, suggesting some sort of ritual should be performed to drive out the evil she senses led to those highway deaths.

Asked to articulate how her references to religion and tragic highway deaths relate to the dress incident, Saber falters, unable to explain.

An employee who works part-time in the shop is at a loss to interpret Saber’s non sequitur responses, saying she’d never heard Saber discuss religion until the last few days. The employee attributes it to stress.

Standing in the front of the bridal store, Saber says she first noticed the crossed out title of groom and written in term partner while “talking out loud” with Genter. 

But precisely what she said after that is unclear: Saber said Genter called her a “bigot” repeatedly and said somehow she found herself at the end of the conversation when Genter hung up standing at the back of the store.

“That’s all I remember. I defended myself. She put me on the defensive. All she had to do was be a decent human being and call back and say I’m not getting married in New Jersey,” Saber said.

But the phone tiff wasn’t the end of it. 

Next came the Internet flaming followed by massive media attention.

On Aug. 16, Genter posted the following comments on Yelp, a Web-based review site:

Donna, the woman in charge at Here Comes the Bride, refused to sell me a dress because I am gay.

After spending a day trying on dresses with my family and friends, she called me to say that she didn’t realize I was gay and would not work with me because that’s “wrong.” She also said she was shocked because my family and I seemed so nice, and that my being gay is a “shame.” Then, presumably to counter my accusation of discrimination, she said that what I am doing is illegal and she does not engage in illegal activity. I guess she is unaware that civil unions are legal in NJ (where her store is) and same-sex marriage is legal in NY (where I am getting married), and that anyone should be able to buy a wedding dress if they’d like, even if they’re single and just want to dress up at home by themselves.

Please do not support this bigot. She is a rude, judgmental, self-righteous homophobe, and from what I’ve read in other reviews, her bigotry does not stop at gay people. Her listing on Merchant Circle has complaints of racism, ageism, and other forms of degradation and harassment.

Two days later, Philadelphia Daily News columnist Ronnie Polaneczky, a former editor of the defunct Atlantic City Magazine, interviewed Saber by phone and wrote a piece about the incident.

Played on the front of the tabloid, the column turned viral.

Yelp soon had 900 some negative comments about the bridal store before the site started trimming the most offensive. 

And there were also hundreds of regurgitated accounts in the media, most without any original reporting, simply a rehash of information in the opinion column or a mention with a link.

“They seem to be able to attack my mere talking, to have my beliefs attacked and told my beliefs are archaic and told I need to get into the 21st century. Who is this? The KGB?” Saber said a few days later as the phone rang and rang.

Saber said she has helped brides whom she assumed were gay, including a woman who came in for tailoring of a man’s suit she’d bought elsewhere, but she said Genter is the first person who made a point of her gender orientation.

“I don’t ask. It’s none of my business. I think she was looking for something, she was looking. As far as I know, we try and treat each race and gender the same.

“I’m concerned about evil and so much hate being focused. I’m concerned about the concentration of hate. I find it appalling that someone who hates name-calling...” Saber trails off, without finishing the thought, shaking her head no when asked what else she had intended to say.

“I have the freedom to have my own religious beliefs. The shop is about love,” she says.

Saber still hopes Genter might return to buy the dress.

Genter’s email says that will not happen.